Every couple starts out thinking their wedding is going to be perfect, that they can plan enough, pay enough and be prepared enough to make it a blissfully perfect day filled with nothing but the ease of love and laughter. They have visions of happy sober guests dancing until the wee hours of the morning and everyone standing arm and arm, fully clothed, bidding them a fair adieu into the glorious sunrise. They have seen the wedding fails on the Internet and they are certain those atrocities would never befall their wedding. Oh, the delusions of those blissfully in love. To increase the odds of a fairytale ending, leave your wedding by 10 p.m. (Or the latest 11 p.m.) Why, you may ask?
1. Asshole Hour starts at 11 p.m.
Wedding guests demonstrate at least a little self-control while the paid photographer, bosses and matriarchs are around. They are behaving themselves through dinner, the cake cutting, the toast, the first dance, the father-daughter dance, all the special moments you want to remember forever in film. Once those moments are over, all is fair in love and war. And you definitely want more love and less war.
2. Everything costs more after 10 p.m.
Normally the venue, the DJ and the photographer give you maximum time frames associated with the cost for the use of their space, equipment or talents. DJs are normally four hours, after that they will absolutely stay at your request, but it will cost you.
3. Everything you need to get done can be done in two hours
It’s true: you can eat, cut the cake, do the toasts, first dance, Daddy dance, let your guest get a few dances in, do the garter and toss the bouquet in two hours. That still leaves two hours of partying, dancing, visiting and fun. As a host, you always want your night to end on a high note and this way it will, and not with your boss or grandmother watching your maid of honor give a lap dance to your shirtless co-worker. So, if your reception begins at 6 p.m. you are golden.
4. You don’t want to learn things you didn’t want to know about your friends and family
Nothing is worse than seeing your cousin moon your entire wedding party; hell, you may even think it is funny at the time. That is until those pictures hit the World Wide Web with the hashtag of your wedding or until they circulate around the office breakroom. Or wow, no one knew your boss’s wife was a crying drunk and she is now sobbing in the photo booth.
5. Honeymooning
It has taken a year of dating, a year to plan and it’s over in the blink of an eye. As exciting and wonderful as that eye is, that false eyelash-laden, recently waxed, moisturized and cosmetically enhanced eye is tired—not to mention the person it’s attached to. No one realizes how physically and emotionally exhausting a wedding day can be. The preparations, activities, smiles, hugs and dancing will take their toll.
Enjoy every moment of it but take the time to bow out gracefully amid a flurry of well-wishers and begin your life together. You don’t want to be too tired for the honeymooning.
Do you have a wedding day horror story? I’d love to read it below.