Tag: lifeunscripted

“Enduring” to the end?

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That is the question that hit me when I opened facebook today. A friend said she had to put together a talk for church about “Enduring to the End”. She was having a hard time putting it together and asked the ever-wise audience of social media for help. The answers were cookie cutter at best. Folks quoting scripture, stating it was our duty to endure all things. In doing so we would be a testament to our faith, and it was then that we fulfilled our goal of living a worthy or noble life. Dutifully enlightening and mostly full of crap.

Me, while looking at her request wrote a response. A response of, “Isn’t that exactly what is happening here on not such a giant life event scale? There is something you wish to accomplish as mundane as you think it may be. You are struggling, you are asking for help and you will finish it, seeing it through to the end. Enduring, and your question is what again?”

I left out the rest, the part that was running around in my overthinking brain as I read the ever-martyring responses of lives lived through their sacrifice only to end in a righteous death. Why the hell do you want to just endure? Life is to be lived, enjoyed, loved through, cried over, and laughed through.  Why does anyone even want you to write that piece? Endure what? My guess was accepting to do that talk when you really didn’t want to, or as I like to put it, you were voluntold what to do, and you did it.

How many of us never think of saying no? I know I didn’t. Tammy Mayhew wasn’t raised to say no and so many of you weren’t either.  I was raised in a family business. The world of service and hospitality, conditioned me to please other people at the expense of myself. Somehow other people’s needs, and feelings were above my own. I was conditioned to endure my own discomfort while pleasing everyone around me. For the most part the customer service world reinforces that ideology day after day after day.    

One official definition of the word endure is, “To continue to exist or experience a hardship over a long period of time”. Life was not intended to be “endured” it was meant to be lived. It is a frightening epiphany when you realize that instead of living your life, you endured it. Simply being, with just enough bits and pieces of love, joy, and happiness to sustain you. Living this way, or let me rephrase that, existing this way does not fortify the soul, it starves it.

Grab the pieces, all the pieces. The good, the bad, the joy, the chaos and the sorrow, and claim it as your own. Look ahead and reflect inward at what feeds YOUR soul. I did. Follow what you find, and bring all that you carry with you, use it build and shore up your path. I did. It is a daunting and scary proposition.

I don’t’ know what I was more afraid of; stepping outside my responsibly enduring comfort zone, letting the world see ME, or ME looking at myself and asking and answering those questions of my own heart. I did it and I have no regrets. It may have taken longer than I would have liked, but I did it and so can you. Unburden with me what you endure in your life? Share with me here or on my facebook author page@tammymayhew,author what feeds your soul? Inspire me with your dreams and beautiful chaos?

Seeking your Best Life or Hiding in Plain Sight

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One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ready or not, here I come. Everyone has played hide and seek. Laughing, cautiously looking under, around and in, seeking our playmate or friends. It was always better to be the hider than the seeker, scoping out the never-before-used gem that would conceal us beyond discovery.  A victory if you were the last one found or better yet if they had to call you out. It was your best life.

As children we spent more hours hiding than seeking. For some of us we have spent a lifetime. We have become experts at hiding in plain sight. Skillfully keeping unnoticed barriers between ourselves and the world and people around us. Cloaks so expertly thrown that they are disregarded and overlooked by those passing by. We still find comfort and satisfaction in the mistaken anonymity of it all.

This is not to say we are skulking in a corner or brooding in a cubicle. Quite the contrary. We are out there, we are waiting on you with a gregarious laugh, expertly hidden by a waitress pad, pen and name tag. We are checking you in, with a perfectly rehearsed greeting and a friendly efficient smile, safely tucked behind the counter and fortified by our blazer. We are answering your call through the blind end of a telephone or chatting with you through the rhythm of a keystroke.  

It is easier to be outgoing when we put a well written script upon our tongue, refining it through repetition, like a well sharpened knife against an oiled stone. The sharpness of our delivery cutting through the awkward silence, drawing a smile and affirmation of self. We find comfort as we practice and perfect our speeches. We find succor in our skill and proficiency of making other people happy. We begin to define ourselves by what we do, rather than who we are, because often we don’t know what that means. We can’t become so good at hiding that we forget to seek.

Playing the game, we always searched for someone else, diligently leaving no stone unturned. When is the last time any of us put that much energy and effort into seeking ourselves? We often go into work and put on our persona along with our nametag and uniform, giving the best of ourselves to strangers. No one wants to step out of their well-fortified hiding place.  The soothing satisfying swaddle of well-practiced comfort is difficult to step away from.

Growing up, I was “voluntold” into a script for a much older character. The adolescent fun-filled game of hide and seek was gone by age ten, and I spent my days at my parents’ mom-and-pop hotel and diner, interacting more with adults than with children. At fifteen, with a life-altering accident under my belt, I found comfort on the stage of customer service, and replaced the relationships I had lost with professional ones. It was a safe place to be, one where I was accepted and found my worth in how well I pleased everyone around me. I was confident there. I endured. It took me years of baby steps, often overwhelming fear and anxiety, lots of tears, and the never-ending reassurance of my friends and family to fully step out of my hiding place.  

I am not saying go out and quit your job; after all, there all bills to pay and everyone needs to eat. Great if you can afford to do that, but if not, that’s okay too. We need to take a step from behind our safe place and see what we can bring to who we are. We need to ask ourselves what we have done to find us? What have we done that gives us that feeling of fear and excitement all at the same time?

Can we find one thing? Two things? Can we take one step? Can we do something we always wanted to do or something we never even considered? Even if we don’t like it, even if we fail, we tried it, and every experience adds a color to who we are. Like the broken beauty of a kaleidoscope. Life lies in the seeking, not the hiding. The more we seek, the better we will be, for ourselves and those around us. And who knows where those adventures will lead?

Say it and live it: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! Ready or Not, Here I come!

What are you doing to step out from hiding in plain sight? What are you doing to seek your best life? I’d love to read it below or share it to my facebook page @tammymayhew,author.